Keep those tips up
Have you ever gone water skiing?
I did. Once.
When I was in high school, I went with my cousins. It would be fun, right? Zipping along on top of the water behind the boat? Fun!
I didn’t know how to swim, but I had a life jacket on.
As long as I stayed on top of the water, I should have nothing to worry about.
Except for the fact that I had a compression fracture on my right calcaneus. For those who don’t know, that’s the heel bone. (Which I broke when I jumped off a hay stack with those same cousins a few days earlier…but that’s a story for a different post and may or may not have been a dare.)
And in the back of my mind, there was that little voice saying, “But what if you go under the water? You can’t swim.”
Granted, I didn’t know what I was doing, and still don’t, obviously, since I only tried once. But keeping the front tips of my skis up and aligned proved more painful than I could stand
Down I went.
I don’t remember letting go of the rope. All I knew at that moment was that I was in the water, and I didn’t know how to swim.
Fun? Yeah! For a minute or two.
Until it hurt too much to keep going.
Until the fear was more than a whisper in the back of my mind.
And then, my uncle was there beside me in the water, with a strong grip on my life jacket, ready to pull me out of the water.
If you’ve ever watched a video of someone waterskiing who knows what they’re doing, they make it look so easy. But the videos of waterskiing fails? PAINFUL.
Following a dream is a lot like that. But then, life is too.
Some people make it look so easy. So fun. But it’s not always easy, and it’s not always fun.
Regardless of whether you’re following your dream, or working on your marriage, or trying to get through to your fifteen-year-old, or even just struggling to keep going in this crazy imploding world we’re all living in, it takes constant effort to keep heading in the right direction, under control, and on top of the water.
You’re sure that if you can just get your feet under you, and gain some momentum, it will be easier.
And it is.
Until something hurts.
Or you’re being torn apart, with one ski heading one way, and the other ski a different direction altogether.
Or the fears race in, and you get lost in their wake, and lose your grip on the rope.
Then it’s all too much work, and too much trouble, and the fun part seems a long way off.
Right now, life is dragging me forward, and even though I’ve got a grip on my dream and I’m trying the methods other people have been successful with, keeping those tips up and aligned is exhausting.
It’s hard to keep up my momentum.
I keep having to pull myself up over and over again. And although I have an unofficial coach, I feel like I’m basically flying (skiing) solo.
The fear of what’s ahead is a huge, cold pool of darkness.
There’s that little voice saying that I don’t know how to do this. That if I can’t do it well enough, I will make a fool out of myself, that people from my teen years might come forward with a mortifying story about some of my other not-so-brilliant moments. Or, God forbid, a video.
But like that Billy Joel song says, “I have been a fool for lesser things.”
And I’m learning.
That my fear is a fear of failure,
of being imperfect,
of being vulnerable,
of not having what it takes to make it in this industry.
That I need to read the books, and watch the webinars, and work on my mindset as well as my craft.
I’ve learned that I’m more terrified of not going after my dream. Of writing in my journal ten years from now that I wish I hadn’t given up.
I’m most terrified of someday getting to heaven and having the guide say, “Seriously, we had it all arranged, but you never got back into the water.”
So I’m strapping on my life vest and booting my computer. And rather than following my dream, I’m going to get my feet under me and chase it instead.
You coming?
I dare you.
Just remember. You aren’t in this alone. I’m right there with you. And the guide? He’s got a life jacket with your name on it.
Having trouble keeping your skis up? Or are you on top of the water? Want to share?
Or post a comment below.
