Got Connections?
What just happened?
Perhaps you emerged from the last two years feeling just as connected to friends, family and community as ever. You never suffered from feeling disconnected from colleagues, never felt like your activities were curtailed or postponed indefinitely. You proceeded with your life plans as though the word pandemic was just another keyword in a science fiction plot, or a vocabulary word you had to learn at one point or another.
Well, that’s not quite what happened to me.
The pandemic and the resulting restrictions coincided with the end of the career I had loved for more years than I care to advertise, and the start of my highly anticipated metamorphosis into my second career.
No problem, I thought, when we were told to stay home. I was ready for some solitude. I had a case of compassion fatigue, teacher fatigue, people fatigue. Disillusionment. I thought some aspects of staying at home and finishing the year as an online teacher-librarian might be okay. It would give me time to tie up loose ends in the library so I could turn it over to my successor in the best state possible.
I consoled myself over the lack of closure with my students by telling myself I could dive into my writing, which is a largely solitary occupation. Sigh. Bittersweet maybe, but relief, just the same.
After a while, though, I realized that I missed people. I missed my students, my colleagues, and the daily interaction with other people that used to fill me with energy before burnout set in.
No problem, I thought, when the restrictions for gathering were first lifted. Now I would get out and reestablish my connections with people. They just wouldn’t be my students…
Ready…set—wait. How do I reconnect, exactly?
It wasn’t long before I realized I did have a problem. Without my job, without a workplace where I regularly interacted with other living, breathing humans, I wasn’t sure how to reestablish connections.
I once attended a conference session that warned attendees of the effects of living an unbalanced life focused solely on a career. It explained the dangerous effects for a person to become completely immersed in their work to the detriment of their other interests. It could be damaging to family relationships and diminish other social interaction outside the workplace.
Somehow, I had let that happen to me.
It’s not that I don’t live in a fantastic community. I do. I just wasn’t involved in it anymore.
It’s not that I don’t have friends here. Although several of my close friends have moved away, I still have friends in town. I just never saw them.
It’s not that I’m not interested in a variety of activities and topics, and stopped wanting to experience them. I just didn’t have the energy to pursue them.
The pandemic was the perfect camouflage to mask my slide from solitude into isolation.
I’m not the only one who retreated into a type of isolation rather foreign to most of us. Thousands of people lost their jobs, chose to redefine their occupation, or switched to working remotely. Many also relocated, no longer constrained by proximity to their workplace, leaving friends and acquaintances behind.
Chances are, if you’ve gone through any of the aforementioned changes in work situation or relocating, you might be feeling the same. I thought I’d share a few ways I’ve tried to reconnect with people in my community.
Rekindle old friendships
While some of our friends have left the area, I had several friends with whom I’d lost touch because of one reason or another. In a matter of months, a few coffee dates and a lunch or two, and I once more have companions with whom I enjoy hiking, shopping, or a cup of coffee on a patio somewhere.
Take the initiative-create an opportunity to make connections
When our kids were in middle school and high school, we were part of a group of parents who got together one night for a dinner party and had so much fun we decided we should do it more often. We started meeting for a potluck once a month, rotating homes, so that we shared hosting opportunities and responsibilities. We also shared a lot of laughter, support and the joy and pain of raising kids.
The group disbanded over time, but that’s just the kind of group my husband and I are looking to participate in again. So I marked a day on the calendar, searched my contact files and had a group over for hor d'oeuvres. We had a great time. I’m planning another one for next month. Try it.
Get involved in a faith community
It’s sad that it took a response to the pandemic to recognize the importance of connecting with a group of people who share a similar faith. One great thing about being involved in a faith community is that it often offers opportunities to serve people, as well as a chance to make new friends and enjoy being with old ones.
Connect through community organizations
My husband and I love being involved with community service activities centered around our previous careers. Having a chance to talk with people about our field of expertise is a rewarding way for us to find connections with all generations, see old friends and make some new.
Online communities
While not bringing you into direct face-to-face contact, perhaps the most pervasive connection in our culture today is engaging in dialogue with other people through different digital platforms. It’s virtual, but a valid way to be a part of a community—it’s just not constrained by geography. Shared interest in everything from careers to hobbies to raising kids—you name it, there is most likely a group to join for interactions with other people. They just use electronic devices the way people used to use handwritten letters. (With a whole lot less lag time.)
Community library or recreation department
I have to say it. A public library is a great source of community activity. From book groups to lecture series to classes, a public library offers a number of engaging activities to participate in. And if sports and recreation is more your scene, your local rec department can help you out. Chances are, if you’re engaging in the activities these organizations offer, you’ll make connections you didn’t have before.
Effects of social isolation
Even before the pandemic, psychologists were documenting links between loneliness and depression, including diminished executive function. But with the onset of social distancing prescribed during the pandemic, more studies are examining the relationship between social isolation and mental health.
The pandemic is not the only cause of isolation and loneliness, and the ideas I listed for reconnection are not the only remedies.
Reach out for help if the ones I tried don’t work for you.
Or share your favorites with us in the comments section below.
