En-JOY-ing the Holidays
How an Elementary Art Technique and Some Basic Math Can Help
Sometimes enjoying the holidays is a given. I play Christmas carols full blast, and sing along at the top of my lungs. I count the days until we welcome our family home, and imagine the expressions on their faces as they open the gifts we’ve chosen for them. Anticipation builds like a symphony rising to a crescendo.
Other years, it doesn’t.
During those years, I’m uncertain about our gift choices, and there wasn’t enough time to create those personal gifts I had planned. The fun is lost somewhere in the list of to-do’s, and my expectations fall flat. The music seems like nothing more than the same old songs we hear every year, and I don’t even turn it on. I find myself wondering whether all the rush, the planning, the effort is worth it.
Even though deep down, I know it is. Adding to my family’s enjoyment of the holiday brings me joy in return.
I wish I could say that I never let the joyful aspect of the holidays get clouded over with Grinchy-ness. But that would be false. It can happen during the holidays, just like it happens occasionally other times in the year. In those times, the joy of life is obliterated behind a thick layer of the crud life throws my way.
The trick for me is to reach past the darkness and remember something beautiful is still there. Underneath it all.
I have to scrape away whatever is coming between me and a joyous holiday. Maybe it’s unrealistic expectations. Maybe it’s the fact that some of our kids can’t make it home this year. Maybe it’s unaligned priorities. Whatever it is, it’s keeping me from focusing on the en-JOY-ment of the holiday—or life. The building of joy into it.
It’s kind of like creating a scratchboard project in art class. You know the one where you created a layer of bright, happy colors underneath, and then covered them with a thick layer of black? Then you scratched the top layer away to reveal the colors underneath, creating a design. If you’ve never tried it, check this out.
(By the way, this isn’t a method sanctioned by anyone. I’m not a psychologist. This is just a metaphoric way to look at things that might help you en-JOY your holidays a little more. It helps me. Want to try it this holiday season? If you’re having a great holiday season, come back later when things are feeling grim.)
It’s a three-step process. First you add, and then you subtract. And in between, life does its thing.
Add
Spread the first layer. This is the colorful layer, the joyful.
Since you can’t order joy from Amazon, you really have to find it yourself. In person. You have to layer it first, before you do anything else, because if you don’t, the dark layer will penetrate too deep, and it’s really hard to scratch it off. If you do manage to scrape it away, there’s nothing but emptiness underneath, and the darkness just fills that area in again.
This layer is the basis for everything that comes after, and without it, the process won’t work. Yeah, professional scratchboard is a little different. Professionals use different methods for adding color after the design has been scraped into a layer of white clay.
But not me. I’m not a psychologist. And I’m not a professional artist. Are you? Okay then.
For en-JOY-ment, simpler is better.
What do you use to create that base layer of joy? If you don’t know, try hanging out with someone who does, because sometimes it spreads. Or find a way to give someone else something you know gives them joy. It often has a boomerang effect. Bottom line here is that I can’t really tell you how to find it, even though where you seek it matters. It’s different for each of us. During the holidays or not. All I know is that it is essential that you do. You have to layer it deep enough and solid enough that the dark layer can’t penetrate it.
The Next Step
This part is not up to you. Life does this part. It throws stuff at you.
It could be disappointment, disillusionment, distress. Or just the daily grind. But don’t deceive yourself. There’s a lot of darkness in the world. Some of it will stick. More than you need; definitely more than you want. At some point, joy can be completely shrouded in a thick layer of…stuff. While this is happening, your job is to deliberately continue seeking joy to reinforce the layer underneath, and…
Subtract
Scrape off the dark layer. It’s easier to remove if you have a good solid underlayment.
This step and the first are unending. Because the second never stops. Sometimes it’s easier, sometimes it’s not. And there are three important things to remember about this step.
First, you cannot remove all the dark layer.
It would be naïve to think that you can remove every unsavory thing life throws at you—illness, unemployment, accidents. Losing a loved one close to the holiday season. Remember that a certain amount of darkness is vital to the design. You shouldn’t plan to scrape it all off, and couldn’t even if you tried. You have to incorporate it as negative space to give shape to the colorful, joyful spaces that shine through.
Second, allow for changes.
Yes, you must scrape intentionally. Constantly. But the design is ever-changing, ever-evolving. You might need to adjust your expectations, and go for something less complicated than you planned originally. Those things that brought joy before may have lost their luminescence. The dark could shrink or grow in ways you did not expect.
Third, ask for help.
I lean on my faith, my family, and my friends for help with it all. A LOT. The design is richer for it.
Remember there are professionals who know how to help scrape away the darkness when it gets too overwhelming, and your usual methods aren’t working. They might know the exact spot to scrape to let the most joy shine through, or see a different pattern emerging than what you see. They also have tools to help you find joy and discover the places underneath where you can’t get it to stick.
This week, I’m blasting the carols, making some cookies, and getting things ready for a celebration. I gave up on some things I thought I would get done. But the joy is shining through at the moment, (despite the rest of the to-do list) and I’m planning on sharing it with my family when they arrive. They’ll bring some joy to add to mine, as well, and we hope it shines through bright enough to share with others. My greatest en-JOY-ment happens when I’m trying to spread it around.
