Breaking Elephant Chains
Confession: It has been days since I worked on my novel.
True Confession: It has been weeks since I worked on my novel.
I have filled my days with anything and everything else that needs doing. And there are so many things to choose from on these sunny days that it’s easy to keep from planting myself in front of my computer.
One of the things filling my time is staining and varnishing the new windows in our house, which has to be done, although it’s so much less enjoyable than writing. But something about smoothing the varnish over the wood triggers thoughts I can’t focus on unless I’m doing something repetitive with my hands. Perhaps crossing the midline in physical movement opens my right brain. I heard that theory long ago, but I’m not sure it’s still considered accurate.
Maybe it just has something to do with inhaling the fumes.
Anyway, I was pondering whether my writing block stemmed from the scenes in the story not accurately reflecting the arc of one of my characters, when a sudden thought occurred to me.
Perhaps the character arc that is most important here is not my character’s, but mine.
I feel like I’m chained to a wall wondering why the heck I can’t climb over, under, or around this obstacle. What is this wall doing here? And who built it?
I am convinced that things happen in my life to lead me in a certain direction, or give me the tools I need to deal with something headed my way. Call it serendipity. Or synchronicity. Or God. At any rate, embracing experiences so I learn from them is usually the key to my progress.
So where am I really, in this arc that is my life, and what’s shackled me to this wall?
The act of writing is not the hardest part of being a writer for me. I can put words on a page—some better than others, of course—but the truly fearful part for me is the thought of getting published, even though it’s also my Big Dream. So I can write four days a week, dreading and procrastinating until 4:53 Friday afternoon the sending of the query letters, the search for representation and publication.
Is fear chaining me? Or something else?
Perhaps you’ve heard the theory of how a small chain and a peg in the ground can restrain one of the world’s most powerful animals. It’s been termed the “chained elephant syndrome” and applies to people as well as elephants. Here’s how it works: the elephant is first tied or chained when it’s small and too weak to pull away, convincing the elephant that it doesn’t have the power to break free. That lesson is so deeply ingrained in the elephant that even when it has reached the peak of its strength, it believes it cannot get loose. The restraint exists in the elephant’s mind, tied to events in the elephant’s past.
Is that what’s holding me back? Did I build the wall with feedback I’ve received before? Or people’s helpful advice? Is it built from my experiences? Is each brick in the wall something I failed at?
Most of my failures were attempts at things I wasn’t sure I could do. Those things I faced without confidence in myself or my skills or optimism for a good outcome. Is the wall there because I lack the confidence, the conviction, or the courage to go past it?
Why am I willing to continue in bondage if I actually have the power to break free?
Am I here, at this moment, to break down this wall, one brick at a time? Is that how I’ll gain confidence? Because confidence is not something one simply owns. One learns it. By repeatedly pushing oneself to the boundary of comfort, and then past it.
So I can keep filling my time with the things my chains allow me to reach, or I can break the wall that anchors them.
How about you? Is there an invisible chain tied to your leg? What’s it anchored to? What are you doing to break free from it? Are you telling yourself that you can’t write because there’s no time, no support, so many other things you need to do first? Or that you can’t re-do that room? Or design that outfit? Write that proposal? Are you not taking that business class because someone once told you it was a waste of time? Did you tell yourself a long time ago that there was no point tugging at that chain anymore?
In his essay on “Compensation,” Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Do the thing, and you will have the power.”
In the comment section below, tell me just what “the thing” is for you.
